The Parent Ego State

is the set of feelings, thinking and behaviour that we have copied from our parents and significant others. As we grow up, we take in these aspects from our parents and caretakers. If we live in an extended family then there are more people to learn and take in from. This is called introjection and it is just as if we take in whole an image of the care giver. For example, we may notice that we are saying things just as our father, mother or grandmother may have done, even though, consciously, we may not necessarily want to. Another example is that we may treat others as we might have been treated.

The Adult ego state

is about direct responses to the here and now. From Adult, we deal with things that are going on in the present in ways that are not unhealthily influenced by our past. The Adult ego state is about being spontaneous and aware with the capacity for intimacy - we are able to see people as they are, rather than what we project onto them. We can ask for information rather than stay scared or make assumptions. Taking the best from the past and using it appropriately in the present is an integration of the positive aspects of both our Parent and Child ego states. This is usually called the Integrating Adult. This means that we are constantly updating ourselves through our everyday experiences and using this to inform us. In this structural model, the Integrating Adult ego state circle is placed in the middle to show how it needs to orchestrate between the Parent and the Child ego states.

The Child ego state

is the set of behaviours, thoughts and feelings which are replayed from our past. Perhaps our boss calls us into his or her office, we immediately get a churning in our stomach and wonder what we have done wrong. If this were explored we might remember the time the head teacher called us in to tell us off. The Child ego state holds positive memories too. We might go into someone's house and smell a lovely smell and remember our grandmother's house when we were little, and all the same warm feelings we had then may come flooding back.
Both the Parent and Child ego states are constantly being updated. For example, we may meet someone who gives us the permission we needed as a child - and did not get - to be fun and joyous. We may well use that person in our imagination when we are stressed to counteract our old ways of thinking that we must work longer hours to keep up with everything.

The process of analysing personality in terms of ego states is called Structural Analysis. It is important to remember that Ego States do not have an existence of their own, they are constructs to enable understanding. Therefore it is important to say "I want some fun" rather than "My Child wants some fun". We may be in our Child ego state when we say this, but saying "I" reminds us to take responsibility for our actions.