Effective Modes

Mindful Process - when we are operating mindfully, we communicate OK-OK messages.
We operate appropriately in the here-and-now and have access to the positive aspects of the care and structure we have received in the past and the experiences we had in childhood. As this Mindful process is here-and-now, we are able to choose which of the effective Modes of behaviour to draw from, dependent on the situation. When stable in this Mindful process we respond appropriately rather than flipping into an Ineffective Mode.

Incorporated Modes of the Mindful Process:
Each of the effective Modes communicate "I'm Ok and You're OK".

Supporting - When in this Mode we are affirming and considerate.

Structuring - This is the boundary setting Mode, offering constructive criticism. In this Mode we are caring whilst firm.

Co-creating - From this Mode we develop ways to help us live and work with others.

Playful - This is the creative, fun loving, curious and energetic Mode. We can confront people playfully as a way of dealing with a difficult situation. This can diffuse a potential problem and get the message across.
When working with others we can choose where we come from. Effective communication will come when we are in a Mindful Process. If someone else invites us to go into a red mode we don't have to go there, we can cross the transaction and come from one of the green Modes.

Ineffective Modes

The red zones all emanate from outdated experiences, which are not relevant or appropriate in the present.

Criticizing Mode - communicates a "You're not OK" message. When in this Mode you will believe that others cannot do things as well as you can, or perhaps only certain chosen people can. If you lead from this position you are unlikely to develop a loyal supportive team or culture.

Interfering Mode - communicates a "You're not OK" message. When in this Mode the person will often do things for others which they are capable of doing for themselves.

Inconsistent Mode - As a leader we might be inconsistent in our style - changing our behaviour in unpredictable and apparently random ways.

Over-adapted Mode - expresses an "I'm not OK" or "I'm not OK and You're Not OK" message. When in this Mode we over-adapt to others and tend to experience such emotions as depression or unrealistic fear and anxiety. When in this Mode we are unlikely to make good team members and will be highly stressed if we have to manage others.

Oppositional Mode - Even when opposing others, we are not actually free to think for ourselves as we are reacting to them in the belief that we need to 'resist' them. It is important to be clear that this is not simply about being in disagreement, but a style of going against whatever others put forward.

Reckless Mode - in this Mode we run wild with no boundaries. Here we express a "You're not OK" message. At work we tend not to take responsibility for our actions and are unlikely to progress as we need a great deal of management in order to focus our energy and keep boundaries.

OK Modes:  Diagram and Model